What Do Pregnant Girls Do For Fun?

As of yesterday I’m 22. If only I was referring to my age. This time around, 22 came in the form of weeks.

I’m pregnant.


22 weeks pregnant. Aka four months sober. Really I’m 5 and half months pregnant but I didn’t find out until I was 5 weeks and you knooow I was drinking up until the very second I took the test. Literally. I chugged my glass of wine right before peeing on that stick and the second it turned blue I was like 90% certain the test was wrong because I thought the wine skewed the results. Then I thought the wine was never going to leave my system because it turned the other four tests into positives as well.

And that was it, that was my last glass of wine and I sort of wish I would’ve opted for the margarita I was craving. And have been craving ever since.

It took me two weeks for the news to really sink in. And according to this picture, taken yesterday, I’d say I’m still a little perplexed by the news.


Irene, you’re pregnant.


I’m going to be someone’s mom? This person is going to depend on me? Like a lot. For a long time.

Sometimes I forget to feed Bams and Nora and I’m thankful they can’t tell on me.

I don’t know who should be more scared. Me or this baby. If this kid turns out anything like me when I was a kid, I’m calling a priest. And if this kid turns out anything like TH, I’m registering for a Xanax prescription. I’m hoping crazy plus crazy somehow equals semi-normal. Complete normal is boring.

So this goes back to my original question, What do pregnant girls do for fun?

You take away a girl’s option to drink and suddenly everything seems mundane. You want me to hang out with you, sober? Yeah, I think I’ll just take another nap.

 Before I’d be like, free drinks, open bar? Hell yeah, I’ll go to your cat’s birthday party. My allergies will love it.

Nowadays if I mix sour gummy worms and chocolate milkshakes I’d say I had myself a Friday night rager. The sugar hangover is real.

If you’re pregnant or have been pregnant, tell me your fun secrets. I can’t keep turning to food. I’ve tried mocktails and those are the biggest tease ever. I mean it’s in the name. MOCKtails. I’m drinking you and you’re totally mocking me.

Ah ah, I have no alcohol.

A margarita without alcohol is just salty juice.

Look at me, I’m so mockdrunk.

So I can’t drink like I used to but you know what IS awesome?


BOOBS! I have them. I was always part of the ittie bittie tittie committee until about 25 when puberty finally decided to help a sistah out. But now, NOW I really know what’s it’s like to have real boobs. Where were you in high school?  My knockers are a knocking.

Oh and the attention is also nice too. Not talking about the boob attention but the being pregnant in general attention. People always ask you how you’re doing and they genuinely seem to care. They let you take it easy, make sure you don’t lift anything heavy and they request you rest even when you don’t mention you’re tired. I don’t milk it as much as I should but TH totally does. Because according to him “we’re” pregnant.

I catch him telling people we’re pregnant and I say he better put that drink down before he harms his baby. I’ll probably buy him some paternity clothes for his birthday come September because by that time we’ll be seven months.

Which brings us to a due date of November 9th.

We found out the sex a few weeks ago but I think I’m going to keep it a secret on the blog and reveal the gender along with the nursery design. I think we may also have a name picked out, definitely a contender, but I was stressing for a while thinking every name was going to be the same name shared by ten other kids in their class or something verging on, what were your parents thinking?

And there you have it, after seven plus years of marriage, the Lovetts are having a baby.

Send help.

  1. CONGRATS!!! Such great news, and you look positively glowing by the way! Also, I never read such a funny baby announcement. Xx

  2. July 8, 2013

    Felicidades! Can’t wait to see the nursery!!

  3. congratulations!!! this was hilarious. i always read but rarely comment… but i had to delurk. very excited for you!!!

  4. Happy news and a very funny read! I imagine a similar internal dialogue someday myself. Wishing you every happiness with your little Lovett!

  5. Yeah!!! congrats . . . you look beautiful!

  6. sooooo exciting! Dayum you look cute. Congrats on the boobs. Baby too.

  7. July 8, 2013

    Congrats! You look soo cute with your baby bump!

  8. July 8, 2013

    I’m SO excited for you guys! Yes, TH is included because guaranteed his little world gets equally turned upside down (c; And fun fact, we are due about three weeks apart, so I’m feelin’ your pain, girlfriend! Honestly, I have fantastic pregnancies so I feel like a brat when I admit I HATE BEING PREGNANT. Love my little ones and there are definitely neat-o moments, but for the most part, it pretty much sucks. I’m not much for restrictions/having my body taken over and distorted…pessimistic much, Aubrey??? But when people say there isn’t anything as hard or as fantastic as being a mom, they’re right…you’re going to *LOVE* it (c:

  9. July 8, 2013

    OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You may be freaked out but you will be an excellent mamacita. I’m sure of it.

  10. July 8, 2013

    Best baby announcement ever. Yeah pregnancy is when you need alcohol more than ever. For fun I decorated and redecorated and dreamt of margaritas and cocktails. Congrats and good luck (to all three of you)!

  11. July 8, 2013

    YAY!! The Lovetts are having a BABY! So thrilled for you both!!!

  12. July 8, 2013

    PS- nice boobies!!

  13. July 9, 2013

    CONGRATS!! So happy for you Irene! I hope you are feeling great – you look great! And boobs are a great perk of pregnancy! 🙂

  14. July 10, 2013

    Don’t you worry, you’ll be a wonderful mom. And I keep telling myself that crazy children make for interesting and intelligent adults. It’s true. I hope.
    What did I do for fun while pregnant? Well, the first time I was 25 and my friends where all mocking me with their drunken fun. I pretty much hated my life and then, I read a lot of books. The last time I had another kid to take care of so I continued to hate life, but this time I it was from a much more mature perspective. 🙂
    So, I guess I didn’t “know know” you were pregnant, but I strongly suspected it. 🙂 I just noticed a slight shift in things, and also that you really hadn’t mentioned getting toasted in a while. I had a feeling.
    I’m so very happy for you Irene! Also, I’m guessing that it’s a girl. 😉
    PS- You look amazing!

  15. July 11, 2013

    We have a way to have fun! Ha! Order our bundles 🙂 suprise care packages for mom-to-be for each trimester. Use code DDD20 for 20 percent off at babybumpbundle.com.

    Enough about that though – CONGRATS! you look great 🙂 cooking new recipes, smoothies, work outs, dancing, live music…there i still plenty of fun to be had sans liquor silly 🙂

  16. July 11, 2013

    Congratulations! I just randomly happened by your blog for the first time today and I think you are absolutely hilarious. I just barely started trying to conceive this month and am in the “two week wait” period. I am going through my nicest bottles of wine this week just in case I can’t have any for a while….

  17. Yayyyyy you announced it! And you look so beautiful! You are already a MILF! I think baby Lovett is coming Nov 10 so that we can share a b-day!

  18. July 22, 2013

    Congratulations, Irene!! Such exciting news!

  19. I’m like a million years behind on blog reading, but a very belated congrats!! I’m so happy for you guys! Also, agree with Gab — this wins for the Internet’s best ever baby announcement.

    I shall drink a marg in your honor this week. Lots of hugs!

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