As of yesterday I’m 22. If only I was referring to my age. This time around, 22 came in the form of weeks.
22 weeks pregnant. Aka four months sober. Really I’m 5 and half months pregnant but I didn’t find out until I was 5 weeks and you knooow I was drinking up until the very second I took the test. Literally. I chugged my glass of wine right before peeing on that stick and the second it turned blue I was like 90% certain the test was wrong because I thought the wine skewed the results. Then I thought the wine was never going to leave my system because it turned the other four tests into positives as well.
And that was it, that was my last glass of wine and I sort of wish I would’ve opted for the margarita I was craving. And have been craving ever since.
It took me two weeks for the news to really sink in. And according to this picture, taken yesterday, I’d say I’m still a little perplexed by the news.
Irene, you’re pregnant.
I’m going to be someone’s mom? This person is going to depend on me? Like a lot. For a long time.
Sometimes I forget to feed Bams and Nora and I’m thankful they can’t tell on me.
I don’t know who should be more scared. Me or this baby. If this kid turns out anything like me when I was a kid, I’m calling a priest. And if this kid turns out anything like TH, I’m registering for a Xanax prescription. I’m hoping crazy plus crazy somehow equals semi-normal. Complete normal is boring.
So this goes back to my original question, What do pregnant girls do for fun?
You take away a girl’s option to drink and suddenly everything seems mundane. You want me to hang out with you, sober? Yeah, I think I’ll just take another nap.
Before I’d be like, free drinks, open bar? Hell yeah, I’ll go to your cat’s birthday party. My allergies will love it.
Nowadays if I mix sour gummy worms and chocolate milkshakes I’d say I had myself a Friday night rager. The sugar hangover is real.
If you’re pregnant or have been pregnant, tell me your fun secrets. I can’t keep turning to food. I’ve tried mocktails and those are the biggest tease ever. I mean it’s in the name. MOCKtails. I’m drinking you and you’re totally mocking me.
Ah ah, I have no alcohol.
A margarita without alcohol is just salty juice.
Look at me, I’m so mockdrunk.
So I can’t drink like I used to but you know what IS awesome?
BOOBS! I have them. I was always part of the ittie bittie tittie committee until about 25 when puberty finally decided to help a sistah out. But now, NOW I really know what’s it’s like to have real boobs. Where were you in high school? My knockers are a knocking.
Oh and the attention is also nice too. Not talking about the boob attention but the being pregnant in general attention. People always ask you how you’re doing and they genuinely seem to care. They let you take it easy, make sure you don’t lift anything heavy and they request you rest even when you don’t mention you’re tired. I don’t milk it as much as I should but TH totally does. Because according to him “we’re” pregnant.
I catch him telling people we’re pregnant and I say he better put that drink down before he harms his baby. I’ll probably buy him some paternity clothes for his birthday come September because by that time we’ll be seven months.
Which brings us to a due date of November 9th.
We found out the sex a few weeks ago but I think I’m going to keep it a secret on the blog and reveal the gender along with the nursery design. I think we may also have a name picked out, definitely a contender, but I was stressing for a while thinking every name was going to be the same name shared by ten other kids in their class or something verging on, what were your parents thinking?
And there you have it, after seven plus years of marriage, the Lovetts are having a baby.